What an amazing love story. Together up until the end. They had planned to walk off into the sunset together.We had no idea that it would happen. Not even 24 hours apart.
Doris Elaine Angus nee Monck
born Feb 20th 1921, died peacefully June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
He Flew Away
Dad passed away this afternoon, Wednesday June 23rd. Mum will be right with him. Keith George Angus celebrated his 94th birthday on May 16th. He had a long and fortunate life and he had his sense of humour up to the end.
One of my Dad's favorite poems was
A Bush Christening by Banjo Paterson
On the outer Barcoo where the churches are few,
And men of religion are scanty,
On a road seldom cross'd 'cept by folk that are lost,
One Michael Magee had a shantee.
Now this Mike was the dad of a ten year old lad,
Plump, healthy, and stoutly conditioned;
He was strong as the best, but poor Mike had no rest
For the youngster had never bee christened.
And his wife used to cry, "If the darlin'should die
Saint Peter would not recognise him."
But by luck he survived till a preacher arrived,
Who agreed straightaway to baptise him.
Now the artful young rogue, while they held their collogue,
With his ear to the keyhole was listenin'.
And he muttered in fright, while his features turned white,
"What the divil and all is tis christenin'?"
He was none of your dolts, he had seen them brand colts,
And it seemed to his small understanding,
If the man in the frock made him one of the flock,
It must mean something very like branding.
So away with a rush he set off to the bush,
While the tears in his eyelids they glistened--
"Tis outrageous," says he "to brand youngsters like me,
I'll be dashed if I'll stop to be christened!"
Like a young native dog he ran into a log
And his father with language uncivil,
Never heeding the 'praste' cried aloud in his haste,
"Come out and be christened, you divil!"
But he lay there as snug as a bug in a rug,
And his parents in vain might reprove him,
Till his reverence spoke (he was fond of a joke)
"I've a notion," says he "that'll move him,"
"Poke a stick up the log, give the spalpeen a prog;
Poke him aisy--don't hurt him or maim him,
'Tis not long that he'll stand, I've the water at hand,
As he rushes out this end I'll name him.
"Here he comes, and for shame! ye've forgotten the name--
Is it Patsy or Michael or Dinnis?"
Here the youngster ran out, and the priest gave a shout--
"Take your chance, anyhow, wid 'Maginnis'!"
As the howling young cub ran away to the scrub
Where he knew that pursuit would be risky,
The priest, as he fled, flung a flask at his head
That was labelled 'MaGinnis's Whiskey'!
And Maginnis Magee has been made a J.P.,
And the one thing he hates more than sin is
To be asked by the folk, who have heard of the joke,
How he came to be christened 'Maginnis'!
One of my Dad's favorite poems was
A Bush Christening by Banjo Paterson
On the outer Barcoo where the churches are few,
And men of religion are scanty,
On a road seldom cross'd 'cept by folk that are lost,
One Michael Magee had a shantee.
Now this Mike was the dad of a ten year old lad,
Plump, healthy, and stoutly conditioned;
He was strong as the best, but poor Mike had no rest
For the youngster had never bee christened.
And his wife used to cry, "If the darlin'should die
Saint Peter would not recognise him."
But by luck he survived till a preacher arrived,
Who agreed straightaway to baptise him.
Now the artful young rogue, while they held their collogue,
With his ear to the keyhole was listenin'.
And he muttered in fright, while his features turned white,
"What the divil and all is tis christenin'?"
He was none of your dolts, he had seen them brand colts,
And it seemed to his small understanding,
If the man in the frock made him one of the flock,
It must mean something very like branding.
So away with a rush he set off to the bush,
While the tears in his eyelids they glistened--
"Tis outrageous," says he "to brand youngsters like me,
I'll be dashed if I'll stop to be christened!"
Like a young native dog he ran into a log
And his father with language uncivil,
Never heeding the 'praste' cried aloud in his haste,
"Come out and be christened, you divil!"
But he lay there as snug as a bug in a rug,
And his parents in vain might reprove him,
Till his reverence spoke (he was fond of a joke)
"I've a notion," says he "that'll move him,"
"Poke a stick up the log, give the spalpeen a prog;
Poke him aisy--don't hurt him or maim him,
'Tis not long that he'll stand, I've the water at hand,
As he rushes out this end I'll name him.
"Here he comes, and for shame! ye've forgotten the name--
Is it Patsy or Michael or Dinnis?"
Here the youngster ran out, and the priest gave a shout--
"Take your chance, anyhow, wid 'Maginnis'!"
As the howling young cub ran away to the scrub
Where he knew that pursuit would be risky,
The priest, as he fled, flung a flask at his head
That was labelled 'MaGinnis's Whiskey'!
And Maginnis Magee has been made a J.P.,
And the one thing he hates more than sin is
To be asked by the folk, who have heard of the joke,
How he came to be christened 'Maginnis'!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Updates
Before I left to come home I forgot to mention that Mum and Dad had finally been moved into a double room the 5th floor. They are together and they both have the same hospitalist. They floor is quiet and the nursing attention is excellent. Mum has only a matter of hours or days and Dad is quickly following. He must have had a stroke recently because he is slurring his words and saying the most bizarre things. He seems to be ready to give up dialysis. He is tired and his chest is full of gunk. He is just worn out both physically and with worry over Mum. I think they will get their wish and go together. Who know. I am too tired to speculate right now. Leaving them was so hard but I will return.
We had to leave
We will return but for now we needed a break. I will probably fly back on Tuesday or earlier and rent a car and a hotel room.
Mum and Dads suite is lonely and boring.
We loaded up the Volkswagen van and have hit the road for Calgary. We will use it this summer as a family cabin on wheels and see where we go after the summer.
We both need to go home and spend a little time with our families.
It was a sad goodbye last night I can't talk about it now but will one day.
However, Barry said his visit late last night ended with Dad saying that he didn't want Mum to die a Mormon and he thought they were in Tibernia. No fear of that happening Dad. He could always crack me up. He is such a busy guy.
Mum and Dads suite is lonely and boring.
We loaded up the Volkswagen van and have hit the road for Calgary. We will use it this summer as a family cabin on wheels and see where we go after the summer.
We both need to go home and spend a little time with our families.
It was a sad goodbye last night I can't talk about it now but will one day.
However, Barry said his visit late last night ended with Dad saying that he didn't want Mum to die a Mormon and he thought they were in Tibernia. No fear of that happening Dad. He could always crack me up. He is such a busy guy.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
13 Days and counting
When we arrived early this morning Dad was tied into his bed and trying to eat his breakfast. Mum was freshly washed and medicated and curled up. She opened her eyes and looked through me then began to cry and fret. She waves her arms in the air and plucks the blankets. We wrestled Dads chair over beside her bed and he held her hand and began to cry. She reached for him and moved closer to the edge of her bed towards him. They both spilled tears and Dad pulled himself to her face and she reached up again to give him a kiss. A touching moment then Dad slipped and face planted into her pillow. Mum looked up in surprise as his kiss slid past her and landed on the pillow.
I told Dad that this morning I had an epiphany in the shower about his question to me last week. He asked me what a married couple could do if they lived together and needed help. I told him those worries were over now and that we have found them a place to care for them with all their medical needs. Oh, he said. And that was that.
This morning it came as thunder bolt, he was telling me that he felt guilty that he couldn't get Mum the help she needed and he didn't know what to do and that she got sicker and sicker and he felt that it was all his fault. Oh what a relief it was for him when I told him that Lewy Body dementia had bamboozeled us all. Her doctors, her family and friends were frustrated with not being able to get a diagnosis.
But good news this morning three options for moving them have arisen.
Their story is famous in this hospital and people are stopping to ask how they are? People we have never seen before.
Once again, shame on the system. Their lack of dignity is the system's shame. Wonderful folks are working hard to over come the rules.
Tell everyone you know and check back here.
I told Dad that this morning I had an epiphany in the shower about his question to me last week. He asked me what a married couple could do if they lived together and needed help. I told him those worries were over now and that we have found them a place to care for them with all their medical needs. Oh, he said. And that was that.
This morning it came as thunder bolt, he was telling me that he felt guilty that he couldn't get Mum the help she needed and he didn't know what to do and that she got sicker and sicker and he felt that it was all his fault. Oh what a relief it was for him when I told him that Lewy Body dementia had bamboozeled us all. Her doctors, her family and friends were frustrated with not being able to get a diagnosis.
But good news this morning three options for moving them have arisen.
Their story is famous in this hospital and people are stopping to ask how they are? People we have never seen before.
Once again, shame on the system. Their lack of dignity is the system's shame. Wonderful folks are working hard to over come the rules.
Tell everyone you know and check back here.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Family meeting day
We will be having a family meeting with Mum's doctor this afternoon at 3:30.
Barry said he will be here by 3:00 so everyone is lined up to attend including the coordinator of the end of life room in 6 North. Unfortunately we will likely have to have this meeting crowded around a bed.
This has been a very difficult journey for our parents because the emergency ward is so full and so noisy.
Heather and I are exhausted. We sort, pack,carry,cry,visit,move hospital beds and chairs,cry,feed Dad and have end of life talks with him. And cry.
We have little time to think of our selves. We hear platitudes from others about taking care of ourselves and getting enough rest, but it is difficult to eat right when we don't get around to thinking of a dinner until 9:30. A good thing to remember when next I have a friend in the same position is to communicate, to stay in touch by email and let them know I am thinking of them and to offer practical things like a home cooked meal once in a while. Just the simple things sometimes seem insurmountable like hunting down packing boxes. One day we got off the elevator to the wrong floor and stepped into a mountain of discarded sturdy cardboard boxes. A lesson in 'when you put it out to the universe the solution will be found.'
So I am putting it out there, if you have a short message for Mum or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa, Do or Keith, please email me and I will read it to them. They will know and really appreciate you for taking time to think of them.
Barry said he will be here by 3:00 so everyone is lined up to attend including the coordinator of the end of life room in 6 North. Unfortunately we will likely have to have this meeting crowded around a bed.
This has been a very difficult journey for our parents because the emergency ward is so full and so noisy.
Heather and I are exhausted. We sort, pack,carry,cry,visit,move hospital beds and chairs,cry,feed Dad and have end of life talks with him. And cry.
We have little time to think of our selves. We hear platitudes from others about taking care of ourselves and getting enough rest, but it is difficult to eat right when we don't get around to thinking of a dinner until 9:30. A good thing to remember when next I have a friend in the same position is to communicate, to stay in touch by email and let them know I am thinking of them and to offer practical things like a home cooked meal once in a while. Just the simple things sometimes seem insurmountable like hunting down packing boxes. One day we got off the elevator to the wrong floor and stepped into a mountain of discarded sturdy cardboard boxes. A lesson in 'when you put it out to the universe the solution will be found.'
So I am putting it out there, if you have a short message for Mum or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa, Do or Keith, please email me and I will read it to them. They will know and really appreciate you for taking time to think of them.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Together
If you, gentle reader, know of a person with any power or authority who would benefit from this story please pass it along
Mum's Last Days
The IV's are off. No food, Nothing by mouth. Mum gets very small doses of Dilaudid or hydromorphone. Drugs are very difficult to administer now, not only because her skin is so thin but because with her disease she reacts badly to anti psychotics and she cannot swallow.
We run out of tissues quickly here. Dad is beside Mum and he is almost back to where he was before he came here with pneumonia.
I wish we could get out of here, the emergency ward, and get a private room.
This morning Dad's LPN dressed him, wheeled him over to Mum's bed. Dad stood up and leaned over the railing to give Mum a kiss. He said "I don't want to give her just a cheap kiss."
We run out of tissues quickly here. Dad is beside Mum and he is almost back to where he was before he came here with pneumonia.
I wish we could get out of here, the emergency ward, and get a private room.
This morning Dad's LPN dressed him, wheeled him over to Mum's bed. Dad stood up and leaned over the railing to give Mum a kiss. He said "I don't want to give her just a cheap kiss."
Friday, June 11, 2010
Rounding corners
Mum and Dad are side by side in the emergency ward in the "holding area." Finally. The staff are very caring and compassionate and they have helped us all enormously. However our friend Louise has been the greatest help.with pragmatic advice and realistic expectations
Mum has a probable diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia. This makes sense in that she has a reverse reaction to antipsychotics like Halydol so her docs have prescribed for her the most minute doses of adavan as needed orally. That makes me laugh because no one wants to put their fingers in her mouth
and she can't swallow.
Dad had a shave and is propped up beside Mum.
Dad goes to dialysis today. He had a swollen left arm when we got here this morning and the edema went down after we propped him up and gave him breakfast. It is much calmer here today with the two us with them.
But it is Friday and I know all hell will break lose tonight.
Mum has a probable diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia. This makes sense in that she has a reverse reaction to antipsychotics like Halydol so her docs have prescribed for her the most minute doses of adavan as needed orally. That makes me laugh because no one wants to put their fingers in her mouth
and she can't swallow.
Dad had a shave and is propped up beside Mum.
Dad goes to dialysis today. He had a swollen left arm when we got here this morning and the edema went down after we propped him up and gave him breakfast. It is much calmer here today with the two us with them.
But it is Friday and I know all hell will break lose tonight.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Days of Delirium and Dementia and Reunions
Mum is in RCH with a diagnosis of delirium. She fell many times prior to the ambulance delivering her to the emergency ward. I think she not only had a bladder infection but that she was also dehydrated and that brought on the delirium. Her dementia clouded the diagnosis until she was admitted to emergency. She is sedated now and will be for a while. She is also on an IV and is being attended by a caring staff. Nothing can be done for now and she is so severely tired that her deep sleep can only help her heal.
She will be on diminishing doses of anti-psychotics for a couple of weeks.
This leaves Dad alone in the apartment. He is scared to be alone, he also has been tipping over and falls nearly 3 to 4 times a day. One of us must be with him at all times. Barry slept there for a couple of nights and last night after Dad's carer changed him into his pyjamas Barry thought that he would be okay for night. Dad said to go, he was fine, he didn't need anything but to watch a little TV and then to bed.
This morning Barry went over and there was Dad on the floor, half undressed and confused. he had no idea how long he had been there or when he fell. He had his Alarm bracelet on but he wasn't pushing it hard enough to sound the alarm.
It may have been hours that he lay there alone.
Heather is on her way out there right now. I hope. She will be sleeping in the apartment and this will give us a good observation and if Dad needs to enter the system through the emergency ward door then so be it.
I will go next week and give Barry another break while he goes on a golf trip with his Palm Springs buddy.
We have to get this falling problem solved and I hope that the system can find them both a new care home so that they can be together and this never has to happen again.
Unfortunately we cannot do anything, we are powerless to get them into a specific facility, the only thing that we can do is get them into the system.
On to another subject, Bryan and I are going to Vancouver for a reunion of all the old Black Spot people. The original fans and musicians
It is quite an alumnus of names. The enthusiasm for the event is growing exponentially. What started out as a few musicians gathering for an evening has turned out to be a 2 day affair. I am sure the press will be covering it. Some interesting, notable and extremely talented people will be there for a dinner and social one evening and a jam the next day. This will be so much fun to get together with some people that Bryan and I haven't seen for many years and some close friends that we see as regularly as we can.
check out these threads.
http://vancouverjazz.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2388
http://www.jazzstreetvancouver.ca/venues/7
The Black Spot morphed into the Java Jazz..the Flat Five and then the Blue Note I think. All over a period of just 4-5 years. I will no doubt be corrected on that because I wasn't there for that time and all my info is absorbed through conversations with Bryan and his friends. I have only been in the picture for 43 years:o))
We will be there in early August for this event. We will be staying in an hotel downtown, if you, gentle reader will be there at the same time please e-mail me and we will get together.
This will be the first time in my life that I will be going to Vancouver without stopping to help M&D. Wow, I wonder if I can do that. I am guessing not.
She will be on diminishing doses of anti-psychotics for a couple of weeks.
This leaves Dad alone in the apartment. He is scared to be alone, he also has been tipping over and falls nearly 3 to 4 times a day. One of us must be with him at all times. Barry slept there for a couple of nights and last night after Dad's carer changed him into his pyjamas Barry thought that he would be okay for night. Dad said to go, he was fine, he didn't need anything but to watch a little TV and then to bed.
This morning Barry went over and there was Dad on the floor, half undressed and confused. he had no idea how long he had been there or when he fell. He had his Alarm bracelet on but he wasn't pushing it hard enough to sound the alarm.
It may have been hours that he lay there alone.
Heather is on her way out there right now. I hope. She will be sleeping in the apartment and this will give us a good observation and if Dad needs to enter the system through the emergency ward door then so be it.
I will go next week and give Barry another break while he goes on a golf trip with his Palm Springs buddy.
We have to get this falling problem solved and I hope that the system can find them both a new care home so that they can be together and this never has to happen again.
Unfortunately we cannot do anything, we are powerless to get them into a specific facility, the only thing that we can do is get them into the system.
On to another subject, Bryan and I are going to Vancouver for a reunion of all the old Black Spot people. The original fans and musicians
It is quite an alumnus of names. The enthusiasm for the event is growing exponentially. What started out as a few musicians gathering for an evening has turned out to be a 2 day affair. I am sure the press will be covering it. Some interesting, notable and extremely talented people will be there for a dinner and social one evening and a jam the next day. This will be so much fun to get together with some people that Bryan and I haven't seen for many years and some close friends that we see as regularly as we can.
check out these threads.
http://vancouverjazz.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2388
http://www.jazzstreetvancouver.ca/venues/7
The Black Spot morphed into the Java Jazz..the Flat Five and then the Blue Note I think. All over a period of just 4-5 years. I will no doubt be corrected on that because I wasn't there for that time and all my info is absorbed through conversations with Bryan and his friends. I have only been in the picture for 43 years:o))
We will be there in early August for this event. We will be staying in an hotel downtown, if you, gentle reader will be there at the same time please e-mail me and we will get together.
This will be the first time in my life that I will be going to Vancouver without stopping to help M&D. Wow, I wonder if I can do that. I am guessing not.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Going around and around
A circumstances with our parents spiral in and out of control and their health and minds deteriorate, I found another spiral. This one is a walking meditation labyrinth carefully designed and placed in our favourite park. I can walk the meditation pathway, conscious of every step and every breath and before long I have forgotten the anxieties of the day. I really have to apologise for the sucky music, but I was editing in youtube so you will have to forgive me.
We have been struggling with the challenges of dementia. Mum has been having hallucinations and is sometimes deep in paranoia. Things got out of hand two nights ago when her fears wouldn't let her allow anyone in the suite to give them dinner because she thought the chefs were poisoning the food. Dad is weak and when Mum wouldn't let him come to the phone, we became quite concerned. Everyone tried to help, from the front desk staff to me so far away. This only exacerbated the situation and she only calmed down when Barry went over and gave them some reheated dinner and settled them down. Today off to the docs on the advice of their caseworker for the results of blood work and yes, indeed it turn out that Mum had a bladder infection and that could make matter worse. Apparently paranoia is a symptom of infection in the elderly...who knew.
However, it is quite apparent that Dad had a stroke. His specialists referred him to other departments in the hospital after his renal treatment, Barry whizzed him around in the wheel chair and it was found that he had had a stroke. He is now weak, his speech is slurred and he is quite incapable of changing his ostomy bag. God know if that wouldn't be enough to make me demented. My poor Mum, no wonder she is obsessed with laundry. Dad causes it all.
The upshot of all of this is that they need to be in a nursing home and Mum's doctor kindly explained that to her today. I know that we will have to make this transition with them kicking and screaming even though they have lucid reactions to the news sometimes, it doesn't mean that information sticks.
Anyway tomorrow will be another day, and I hope that their case worker can get them started on a path to a care home quickly. Mum fell again tonight. Sigh. This is wearing Barry to a thread. It is very depressing to be a carer. And he is trying to work as well.
I will keep everyone posted.
We have been struggling with the challenges of dementia. Mum has been having hallucinations and is sometimes deep in paranoia. Things got out of hand two nights ago when her fears wouldn't let her allow anyone in the suite to give them dinner because she thought the chefs were poisoning the food. Dad is weak and when Mum wouldn't let him come to the phone, we became quite concerned. Everyone tried to help, from the front desk staff to me so far away. This only exacerbated the situation and she only calmed down when Barry went over and gave them some reheated dinner and settled them down. Today off to the docs on the advice of their caseworker for the results of blood work and yes, indeed it turn out that Mum had a bladder infection and that could make matter worse. Apparently paranoia is a symptom of infection in the elderly...who knew.
However, it is quite apparent that Dad had a stroke. His specialists referred him to other departments in the hospital after his renal treatment, Barry whizzed him around in the wheel chair and it was found that he had had a stroke. He is now weak, his speech is slurred and he is quite incapable of changing his ostomy bag. God know if that wouldn't be enough to make me demented. My poor Mum, no wonder she is obsessed with laundry. Dad causes it all.
The upshot of all of this is that they need to be in a nursing home and Mum's doctor kindly explained that to her today. I know that we will have to make this transition with them kicking and screaming even though they have lucid reactions to the news sometimes, it doesn't mean that information sticks.
Anyway tomorrow will be another day, and I hope that their case worker can get them started on a path to a care home quickly. Mum fell again tonight. Sigh. This is wearing Barry to a thread. It is very depressing to be a carer. And he is trying to work as well.
I will keep everyone posted.
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